Not all of us can clearly recognize and name our strengths at the moment. Traditionally, it has turned out that in the average system of kindergartens, schools, higher educational institutions, in teams it is not customary to praise for strengths and focus on them. Usually the focus is on weaknesses, on what a person, an employee needs to strengthen and urgently change. Therefore, you can live half your life thinking that I am mediocre, thereby limiting the disclosure and realization of your potential for many years.

What to do?

1. It is really important to identify and focus your attention on what you do better than others. Ask yourself more often, regularly, the most important question: "What are my best personal qualities, how do my superpowers manifest themselves?" This is what comes very easily to you. And even when it is not easy for you, you are ready to invest in the study of something new or something that you still have to understand and figure out - easily and with interest, with full involvement in the process of new knowledge of information and yourself in it.

2. The next thing that is important to do is to start urgently getting to know yourself through self-exploration... How? Ask yourself the following questions: “What do I like to do? What do I like? What does my comfortable space look like? What kind of lifestyle do I need? What inspires me?” Ask yourself, answer honestly and sincerely, because this is the only way you can get to know your true self and know your strong self. In addition, this helps to find that very purpose that so much is written and talked about on social networks today. When a person feels that he realizes and expresses himself to the fullest, it brings him inner peace, self-confidence, improves the quality of life and fills him with happiness... Life is a success!

3. There is a very simple and accessible method of searching - from the Japanese philosophy of ikigai. You can read more about this on the Internet.

4. Collect feedback from other people, those who support you and have known you for a long time. You can ask such people. They can be useful in your self-examination and can point out what we ourselves would not consider a strong point.

5. If you are a manager or a parent who knows your own strengths, understands your uniqueness, then you begin to treat other people completely differently. Because you understand that they are also individuals who need certain conditions for self-disclosure, and you successfully create them. Your team becomes as strong, shows its strengths, as you do.

6. A professional, such as a coach or psychologist, who is willing to work with you to discover your strengths and find them, will also help you along the way through questions such as:

• What are you really good at?
• What can you do happily for a long time?
• What details make solving any problem easier and more enjoyable for you?

A professional will help you understand in what situations you were successful and why. And by examining your failures, he will help you identify where your weaknesses were. Allow yourself to go beyond the limits and explore the most unexpected sides of your personality together with a specialist!

7. Experiment with new things, such as taking up a new hobby, taking a new course, or doing something you haven't done before, to identify your strengths and weaknesses in new areas.

8. Most importantly, take on new responsibilities in the form of bold challenges to identify your strengths and weaknesses in various areas of activity.

Realization of inner potential gives peace. All this increases the quality of life and makes a person happier. And you must admit, everyone dreams of being happy, right?

What is stress resistance?

Stress resistance is understood as the ability of the human body to adapt to stress, to endure it without negative consequences for health, and then to recover quickly. Stress for the body can be not only a negative event - the loss of a loved one, a break in a relationship, but also a positive one, in general, any event that causes a surge of emotions and throws you off balance, resulting in a temporary or persistent deterioration in the quality of life. Moreover, with instability in stress, a person develops avoidance behavior. At the unconscious level, avoidance of new opportunities and changes is reinforced. I mean ... "trampling" in one place, strict control over maintaining a constant comfort zone, just not to experience stress and the exclusively negative experiences associated with it.

Good endurance – an emotionally balanced and stable state, the ability to “keep yourself in hand” are useful in any situation. Stress-resistant employees move up the career ladder faster, build the necessary communications and professional relationships more effectively, without this internal quality in our unstable and constantly changing time it is generally impossible to do. In everyday life, calm and balanced people are usually more promising for others, precisely because of the ability to withstand and overcome difficult situations that arise at work or in personal life, without succumbing to the destructive impact of stress factors that arise in our lives every day. What will help you develop stress resistance? Let's look at this process step by step:

1. Monitor the quality and duration of your sleep. This is the most important aspect of our mental health. Shallow, inadequate, short or fitful sleep exhausts the nervous system. Many people sleep 4-5 hours a day, trying to save a couple of hours. This slowly but surely undermines the nervous system and mental health in general. Therefore, the first thing that is important to do to increase stress resistance is to monitor the quality of your sleep and sleep continuously for at least 7 hours a day.

2. Make a plan for your rest . We regularly make plans for our professional activity, so it is equally important to plan your rest during the week, and to plan a full vacation much in advance. If you work remotely, it is advisable to switch yourself and organize various types of activity related to physical movement, sports or walks, get out of the house, ideally, at least a couple of times a year go away far away to switch from thoughts about work and concentrate on yourself, on making new plans, setting further professional and life goals. Strategic planning is possible only in a resource, in a rested person.

3. Your hobby. A favorite activity distracts from anxious thoughts and puts the nervous system in order. Develops creativity and unconventional thinking. Allows you to understand your true desires and look honestly into the eyes of your capabilities, gives strength to move forward to achieve your unique goals, to manifest yourself as a unique person, and your talents in this world.

4. Understand the reasons for your anxious and worrying thoughts. Endlessly “running in circles” of automatic thoughts and getting stuck in negativity about yourself and others, in your own worries about the future that has not yet arrived, does not help solve problems in any way, on the contrary, it only intensifies this tense state. It is much more effective and useful to talk to a psychologist or coach about them, as well as develop a new skill of scrolling through positive scenarios for the development of events. Negative emotions are three times more poisonous if you accumulate them over a long period of time. Leave all the negativity in the past, regularly working on traumatic situations with your psychologist.

5. Study your strengths and weaknesses. This will allow you to better understand how to increase stress resistance and in what direction you should work on yourself to increase your self-esteem. Strengths will give you internal support in difficult situations in life, increase confidence and self-esteem, and give you the opportunity to move towards achieving your goals.

6. Keep a diary of your thoughts and internal states. Write down your thoughts and feelings about the events that have happened, observe their consequences, the results that have caused you strong positive or negative experiences. Over time, you will understand what brings you the most stress and will also be able to discuss this with a coach or a psychologist.

7. Whose opinion is important – someone else’s or your own? Many of our fears and worries are connected with what others will think of us. It is impossible to please everyone, so it is important to stop suffering from your own tormenting thoughts that others may condemn your actions or expressions of yourself. The main thing is that it corresponds to your own idea of ​​internal values. Moreover, protect yourself from negativity. Refuse to criticize others, minimize communication with people who are “toxic” to you.

8. Develop yourself, constantly improving your skills and your professional qualifications. Having become a professional in your field of activity, you can be absolutely sure that you will cope with the task set before you and will always find the best place for work or for self-realization in business. This will allow you to feel and express yourself confidently, calmly in stressful situations.

9. Add more positive emotions to your life: read educational books, watch good films. Communicate with interesting people, with whom you are filled with positivity, faith in yourself and your strengths, and also open up new opportunities.

Emotional neglect is a complex and often invisible form of emotional abuse that can have devastating effects on a person’s mental health.

It is a component of depression!

What is emotional neglect:

👉Lack of emotional support: A person experiencing emotional neglect does not receive the emotional support they need from their partner or loved ones. Their feelings are ignored, denied, or minimized.

👉Lack of attention and care: A partner may not pay attention to a person’s emotional needs, show no interest in their life, and show no concern or sympathy.

👉Lack of empathy: A person experiencing emotional neglect may feel misunderstood and unsympathetic.

👉Constant criticism and negative comments: Instead of support, a person may be constantly criticized, judged, and make negative comments about their feelings, thoughts, and actions.

👉Comparison with others: The person may compare themselves to other people, which leads to feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-confidence.

Signs of emotional neglect:

👉Feeling lonely and alienated: Even though the person is in a relationship, he or she may feel lonely and alienated.

👉Low self-esteem: Emotional neglect can lead to low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and feelings of inadequacy.

👉Depression and anxiety: The person may experience depression, anxiety, feelings of helplessness, and hopelessness.

👉Relationship problems: Emotional neglect can lead to relationship conflicts, distance from the partner, and loss of trust.

How to deal with emotional neglect:

1. Recognize the problem: The first step is to recognize that you are being emotionally neglected.

2. Talk about your feelings: It is important to openly discuss your feelings with your partner and demand changes.

3. Set boundaries: It is important to set clear boundaries in the relationship and not allow your partner to neglect your needs.

4. Seek support: It is important to seek support from friends, family, or a psychologist.

5. Remember your value: It is important to remember that you deserve love, respect, and support.

Important:

Emotional neglect is a form of abuse, and you should not tolerate it.

Remember: You deserve a healthy and happy relationship where your feelings and needs are respected and valued 🙏❤️

Emotional burnout

Burnout. How to finally get out of the vicious circle and start living?

Burnout has a certain cyclicality, which can be difficult to get out of on your own, since each phase has its own “buts”

More about each stage:

INSPIRATION STAGE. You want to work a lot, you have inspiration and energy. It seems to you that you are able to move mountains and over-invest in a certain task (there is no balance between work and rest). An important wake-up call here is that there is no feeling of fatigue, this gives the illusion that it will always be like

this and there is a risk of taking on too much FATIGUE STAGE. The first manifestation of fatigue begins, while the pace of work from the previous stage is maintained. The main wake-up call here is that you already have promises, many responsibilities and tasks, so it is difficult to refuse them just like that (thought: "what will people think of me?")

RESISTANCE STAGE. Manifestation of psychosomatics (for example, you get sick more often, have no strength, headaches, sleep disturbances, etc.), there is also a feeling of internal anxiety that there are too many tasks that you can no longer overcome, but you force yourself to continue (thought: "what is my way out? I can't give up everything"). The main call is the inability to work, study, do something already on a physical level, there is instability in emotions and health

EXHAUST STAGE. Most often, it can happen in two ways: the first way is the realization that you can’t cope and revise your rest; the second way is immersion in an even more destructive psycho-emotional state, where the body literally becomes incapable of any activity. An important call is to make a choice in favor of yourself and your health.

I have GOOD NEWS for you and it is that you can get out of each stage of burnout and start to catch a balance between rest and work (even if it seems that it is impossible). Each choice not in your favor pushes us to do what others want first of all, and not ourselves, which is why it can be so difficult to break out of this circle.

Since 2019, burnout has been included in the ICD-11 list (International Classification of Diseases).

SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL BURNOUT (according to ICD-11):

- a feeling of exhaustion or exhaustion

- increasing emotional detachment from work, a negative or cynical attitude towards work

- a feeling of inefficiency and lack of achievement

It is important to note that with prolonged stress (which is what the burnout process is), each person reacts differently depending on their internal attitudes, temperament, and internal stability. Chronic fatigue does not occur immediately; it is a long process that can take several weeks, months, or years. Therefore, only you can more accurately understand when you begin to overload yourself, force yourself to do things that do not bring pleasure, and also become more emotionally vulnerable

“Everyone gets tired at work, it’s normal” — this is what many of my clients say during sessions. At the same time, they absolutely do not agree within themselves to follow the same path and continue to “just get tired”. It is a myth that there will always be a lot of energy and inspiration, since life is dynamic and our condition is too. But CHRONIC FATIGUE ≠ NORM

Diagnostics of the level of burnout emotion - Boyko test

How to manage your emotions so that they serve, and not harm?

If we CONSCIOUSLY begin to manage our emotions, and not they us, then our life will become many times more interesting, will be happier and more successful! We will achieve our goals and desires faster - and this, you must admit, is so important to us!

1 If a conversation with another person has become very unpleasant for you, do not engage in a natural automatic reaction to respond negatively. Something went wrong on the other side and it may be absolutely unrelated to you. Consciously switch to something new, go to another place. Let the person “let off steam” and cool down on their own, and then, later, try to start this conversation over again, “from scratch”.

2 If your emotions are “off the charts” and you are overcome by strong anger, at this moment it is difficult to quickly “come to your senses”. Your task is to look at the problem from the other side - as another experience in life, which is simply important for you to experience differently now. Otherwise, everything will remain the same, new behavior will not form. Just remind yourself in such moments of “testing your emotional strength” that you are forming in yourself “internal support for calmness” and your “earthly firmness”.

3 Your main new task in a difficult emotional situation with hardening emotions is to be able to slow down, take a pause. At this moment, think about yourself, about what is happening, why you are reacting THIS WAY. Mentally tell yourself your observations. Then CONSCIOUSLY decide what is the best way to act in this situation, and only then start acting (and not reacting!).

4 What does it mean to understand a CONSCIOUS decision in an emotionally difficult situation with hardening emotions? It means remembering the main goal of your interaction. Why are you here and what useful (value) task are you solving in this way for yourself and for other people?

5 REMEMBER emergency methods of self-help in the most difficult situations. For example, managing emotions with breathing.

I assure you - this really helps. It is enough to simply breathe deeply for several minutes (inhale slowly for 4 and exhale slowly for 6) to feel inner relief, and then you can again remember the general goal of your interaction.

6. Be sure to relieve the physical tension in the body from a stressful situation immediately after it (if you have the opportunity to leave the room) or after a few hours, for example, through physical activity: sports, fitness, dancing. Take out your negative emotions on a punching bag, do yoga, Pilates. This will definitely FILL you with energy and a good mood, and this is what you need to solve the problems set before you!

Life cycles of development

Human life develops in seven-year cycles. Each cycle ends with a crisis that allows you to move on to the next, higher level.

☀️From 0 to 7: a strong connection with the mother. Horizontal perception of the environment. Formation of feelings. The main sensations: the smell of the mother, the milk of the mother, the voice of the mother, the warmth of the mother, the kisses of the mother. Basically, the period ends with a crack in the protective cocoon of mother's love and a relatively anxious discovery of the rest of the world.

☀️From 7 to 14: a strong connection with the father. Vertical perception of the environment. Formation of personality. Father becomes a new privileged partner in exploring the world outside the family cocoon. Father expands the family protective cocoon. Father becomes a point of reference. Mother is loved, father should be admired.

☀️From 14 to 21: rebellion against society. Perception of matter. Formation of intelligence. This is an adolescent crisis. A desire to change the world and destroy existing structures appears. The teenager attacks the family cocoon, then society as a whole. The teenager is attracted to everything "rebellious", aggressive music, romantic actions, he develops a desire for independence, a desire to run away, to join groups of young people who place themselves outside of society, he admires anarchic values ​​and systematically denies the values ​​of the society around him. The period ends with liberation from the family cocoon.

☀️From 21 to 28: joining society. Stabilization after the rebellion. After a futile attempt to destroy society - integration with it based on the desire to work more effectively than previous generations. Search for a more interesting profession than the profession of the parents. Search for a more interesting place to live than the parents. An attempt to create a happier couple than the married couple of the parents. Selection of a partner, creation of a hearth. Construction of one's own cocoon. The period usually ends with a wedding.

Now the person has fulfilled his mission and created his first protective cocoon.

Thus the first square of 4x7 years is completed.

Having completed the first square by creating his own cocoon, the person begins the second row of seven-year cycles.

☀️28-35: consolidation of the hearth. Following the wedding, apartment, car, children come. Property accumulates inside the cocoon. But if the first four cycles were not very successful, the hearth will be fragile. If a woman's relationship with her mother did not work out as it should have, she will pester her daughter-in-law. If a man had problems with his father, he will interfere and influence the life of the young couple. If the rebellion against society did not take place, conflicts may arise at work. At thirty-five, a cocoon without a solid base often falls apart. Divorces, dismissals, depressions, psychosomatic diseases occur. In this case, the first cocoon is abandoned and...

☀️35-42: we start from scratch. The crisis has passed, the next cocoon is being reconstructed, the person is enriched with the experience of mistakes made when creating the first. There is a revision of relationships with the mother and femininity, with the father and masculinity. This is the time when divorced men discover mistresses, and divorced women discover lovers. They try to understand what they need not from marriage, but from the opposite sex.

Relationships with society are also reconsidered. Now a profession is chosen not for reasons of reliability, but for something interesting or leaving a lot of free time. After the collapse of the first cocoon, a person often wants to build the next one as soon as possible. A new marriage, a new job, a new life. If a person has gotten rid of the circumstances that hindered him, he is quite capable of creating an improved cocoon. If he has not understood past mistakes, he will build the same prison for himself and face the same problems. This is called going in circles. Then the cycles will turn into just a repetition of previous delusions.

☀️42-49: victory over society. Having created a successful cocoon, a person can enjoy the joys of love, family life, work, the blossoming of his personality. This victory leads to two possible options:

Either a person craves ever greater materially expressed confirmations of his success: more money, more comfort, more children, more mistresses or lovers, more power - and endlessly increases and enriches his new successful cocoon. Or he throws himself into a new area of ​​conquests - spiritual. The real construction of personality begins. Logically, this period should end with an identity crisis, an existential question. Why am I here, why am I living, what must I do to give my life meaning other than achieving material comfort?

☀️49-56: spiritual revolution. If a person has managed to create his cocoon and realize himself in the family and at work, he begins to crave wisdom. And the next journey begins.

© Bernard Werber

Where are you?

Every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you will never get back /Wil Rogers/.

Unfortunately, cyberbullying (harassment, emotional abuse online, in the online space) is becoming a common occurrence in the lives of modern children and teenagers. According to statistics, every fourth child aged 10 to 17 years old faces it.

The first thing a parent should pay attention to is whether there have been any changes in their child's behavior. Perhaps, he or she has recently become more withdrawn, stops using the phone and computer, it is noticeable that your child goes to school with a greater sense of heaviness, their academic performance at school is declining or has already declined, they are no longer interested in things they used to love, their eating habits have changed - they have started eating very little or, on the contrary, noticeably more than usual, your son or daughter is in a depressed or depressive mood, as if “casually” mention the meaninglessness of existence, experience increased anxiety and anxiety, panic attacks, or even talk about intentions to harm themselves, avoid communicating with peers, and have had no friends lately. These are very important and serious symptoms of behavioral changes that need to be paid attention to, and a reason to change the established relationships in the family, contact an adolescent psychologist, a psychotherapist, a family psychologist.

How to protect your child from cyberbullying?

1. The first and most important rule at any age and in any situation that may arise is to provide a safe and trusting space and atmosphere in the family, in which your child will always come to you and share his/her troubles and hardships with you! He/she knows that parents can be trusted and at home calmly and safely.

2. The second rule is to explain to the child what it means to protect oneself, how to do it in order to feel safe in the Internet space. How to behave if you suddenly receive offensive or suspicious messages / calls?

3. The third rule is to ensure personal safety in the Internet space. How to protect your personal information, how to deal with unnecessary and unhelpful users? This is exactly where a parent can help and tell / show the child how to do it.

4. The fourth rule is knowing that the child always has support, there is a clearly formed circle of support, the child knows who is in it and who can help him with what, that he can ask for help at any time when it is needed!

Many of us periodically find ourselves in a situation where work deadlines are pressing, work tasks are not completed in full, colleagues begin to be dissatisfied with us, and there is no time to think about our personal life. Returning to reality happens when you see that another friend is getting married or someone's family is happily awaiting the arrival of a new baby, and you understand that you did not have time in this marathon of life, and maybe somewhere it is already difficult and hard to run in it. You still think that you are not doing enough, that everything is not going as everyone else does... Your new goal may actually be a new competence - the right organization of your time for you.

How to manage everything, remember all the things and promises that are important to fulfill, implement them, getting satisfaction from this, and even more - pleasure? Is it possible?

I suggest that you set aside some free time for yourself and go through all 10 steps in this article, and in the future they will no longer take up your time and will be performed by you with pleasure, as a necessary practice for going from point A to point B, in the most effective way!

1. Draw a balance wheel in the form of a circle, which will represent all types of your activities. Divide it into 8 sectors and each of them is a certain area of ​​your life. This can be health, finances, family, personal growth and development, career, brightness of life or your rest, your close circle of friends and acquaintances, creativity and hobbies. Or designate your significant areas of life. Then, on a scale from 1 to 10, evaluate your current state in this area at the moment in the form of a number and mark it in the circle, where 1 will be in the very center, and 10 - on the circumference. As soon as you determine each number of the segment, connect these numbers in the form of a circle and you will get a new circle, perhaps it will not look like a circle and this will be just an opportunity for you to determine in which area you need to put maximum effort and attention to align it, adjust it to the level you need. Values ​​in the range of 1-3 are an alarm signal, 4-7 require your attention, 8-10 you are almost close to your ideal. Write down goals in each segment for a period of 2-3 months, and after this period, return to the balance wheel and check its implementation.

2. Create a schedule for each day, week, month, and include in it the areas of life that need to be adjusted, including! Not just business or work planning! Then you will consciously keep your balance wheel in focus and get involved in its implementation!

3. Use the Pomodoro Method to help with procrastination – the main thing is to introduce it into your work rhythm on a regular basis! Its essence is to increase the efficiency of your work while reducing time costs, for this you need to break the work into small intervals with breaks between them, when you begin to fully immerse yourself and complete the tasks of the day. You simply turn on the timer for 25-30 minutes on a task with full immersion in it and then give yourself a 5-minute break. After every fourth such interval, you give yourself a big rest for 15-30 minutes for pleasure!

4. I assume that you are familiar with the matrix of Eisenhower, the 34th president of the United States? It was he who said: “Not all urgent matters are important, not all important matters are urgent.” We use the Matrix, which suggests distributing matters according to their importance and urgency. To do this, we divide an A4 sheet of paper into 4 parts and get 4 squares:

Pay attention to the following intersections of the matrix:

In square A you place important and urgent tasks of the day (this is your focus of the day),

B - important, but not urgent (and immediately place them by time of day when you are ready to do them)

C - Urgent, but not important (do before B)

D - not important and not urgent (we transfer them to the period when there is time).

5. Keep a weekly diary and enter your successes and achievements in it. Write down your feats of the day and week and do this on a regular basis! Who else will praise yourself? The diary will motivate you to the next achievements of the day and week!

6. Create a list of 10 activities that you want to spend more time on! It can be called: “How will I reward myself if I complete my daily/weekly plan?” When you have free time, devote yourself to completing it! These activities can be a reward for you as a result of completing your daily plan, they will bring you additional “fuel” to maintain your daily and weekly schedule!

7. Make promises to yourself! They are what give you “emotional fuel” to finish any work and keep you focused on completing tasks for a certain period of time. You can even make a bet with yourself that if you complete tasks A, you will receive… or give a certain amount of money, fulfill another person’s whim, not your own, etc.

8. Plan your vacation, even if you are not planning to go on it anytime soon! Plan a trip to a place you have long dreamed of going to – this will bring you a lot of positive emotions and instead of “mind-grinding” about what you cannot do – you are already doing what you are good at. Dream, inspire yourself and fill yourself with positive emotions instead of being in “chewing thoughts” about your “I can’t”, “I can’t do it”, “I am not capable”.

9. Update and expand your knowledge on the topic that interests you, listen to podcasts, read articles, attend webinars.

Good luck in your endeavors!

It has been 5 months since the chimes and New Year's fireworks stopped ringing, perhaps you solemnly made promises to yourself, set new goals for the year, but you still haven't made your plans a reality? It seems that you can no longer fulfill the tasks and in no time, and perhaps your wishes will be postponed until next year. Does this sound familiar? I assure you that you still have six months to not despair and make your goals come true!

Every New Year we make our most secret wishes and write down plans for our wishes, but they do not always come true, many remain on paper and are postponed from year to year. Why does this happen and how can you stop putting things off for later and finally make your plans come true? How can you move from the state of yourself putting things off for later to the state of an actor and executor of your wishes and dreams?

I offer you a list of several extremely important steps that will help you move into the state of realizing your dreams!

1. Create a list of your desires, but not the usual way of “simple uploading”. We take an A4 sheet of paper and divide it into 2 parts (2 columns): 1 – what gives you feelings of joy, pleasure and 2 – what needs to be done this year. And here, in each column, we begin to upload our desires for ourselves. For example, to lose 3 kg, learn a programming language, take a course, start running, etc. It is important to formulate the necessary tasks for execution into a specific positive and tangible, measurable goal for you, when you think about it, and already imagine yourself in a new image, and in new sensations. For example, what will you be like, having lost 3-5 kg? Imagine yourself already running and experiencing pleasure from the result, joy from the sensations in the body and yourself in this process.

2. Detail your desires: you have written down your desires for yourself, you understand what is really important for you to achieve. But how can you now find a direct path to these goals? Often, the desire to put things off for later is due to the simple lack of an action plan, and fear, as we know, has “big eyes”! A big goal is frightening in itself. Ignorance and uncertainty about the process frighten us, no matter how motivating the goal itself is. That is why there is a desire to put off the task for later, continuing to put it off further. It is necessary to break the big goal into specific and real sub-goals and time periods. Then each sub-stage will seem not so scary, but even quite achievable! And return to this point 2 in those moments when you realize that you are procrastinating or “dumping your goal” for later! As a result, we should get a list of desires, under each of which a simple and clear plan of several steps is made on how to implement what was planned for this year!

3. Set deadlines for yourself to implement your plan with sub-stages. Not everyone may like this point, but it is important, because now we set real deadlines for ourselves to implement our plan. Someone may say that it is very difficult to plan these days, but timeframes are exactly what we can set and control ourselves, this is the control that depends on us. And if something goes wrong, you ask? We adjust the old ones. We set new ones that are real and tangible for ourselves. And we move on, implementing our own plan. Constant movement, without stopping. Plans change, we change, and we create new ones again. The planning stage is already a motivational stage in itself, giving energy for inspiration and structuring what needs to be implemented in life!

4. Take the first step from the list. Do it right now. Do the next step within the next 24 hours, and so on, plan steps for 7 days. Make a plan every week and implement it. It is also important to remember our own internal defense mechanism, which does not want to let us out of our own comfort zone and conditional safety. Ahead is the unknown and possible dangers, and here is comfort and everything is familiar, sometimes, however, to the point of nausea. Therefore, the condition of constant new action and “a new try of the pen” every 24 hours helps our anxious mind to calm down and see that everything is going according to plan and everything is fine. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore.

5. It must be said that we do not have much choice. We can only gather our willpower into a fist and start doing what we have planned step by step or take and part with our dream. Admit to myself that I choose my conditional control of comfort and do not want to change anything, I do not want to change my life step by step. This also happens, perhaps in your environment there are elderly people who can now only regret what was not done, not implemented, not realized, because from their point of view it is too late and impossible to change anything. Do you want to come to such a result?

6. Plan for 1-2 failures along the way - sometimes you won't be able to do everything and not everything will be easy, maybe sometimes you won't even want to get out of bed. But...

7. As the famous proverb says: sow a thought - reap an action, sow an action - reap a habit, sow a habit - reap a character, sow a character - reap a destiny! Even small actions performed regularly every 24 hours will help you believe that everything is possible, there is nothing to be afraid of, it is important to just continue moving forward towards your goals! Then you will succeed!

A toxic work environment is one of the main reasons why employees quit. It's not just about a bad day at work. It's about constantly thinking about your boss or about tyrant colleagues - moral torturers, even after returning home, even on sleepless nights. It's also about the way to the office, filled with fear at the thought of having to communicate with colleagues again or ask them for help. Working in a toxic environment by definition cannot bring any pleasure. Its consequences - you can become a victim of bullying or discrimination from colleagues or managers.

Here are some signs that the work environment may be toxic for you.

1. They speak ill of employees in your presence.

There is a rule: what a person says about others when they are not around shows how he will treat you. If the management speaks ill of current employees, maybe even rudely in their presence - a red signal!

2. You are not allowed to communicate with other team members.

In a healthy atmosphere, an atmosphere of trust and transparency of internal processes is created in the team, employees share their work experience and help each other. In a toxic environment, everything is the opposite: managers strictly control communication in the team, including with potential employees, this is a red signal of a lack of trust and partnership in the team.

3. The team does not acknowledge its internal difficulties and shortcomings, does not see prospects for its growth.

In toxic teams, managers often refuse to admit that they and the team have room to grow. Usually, such a boss will say about other employees that they have difficulties, but not him. Refusal to honestly talk about weaknesses is also a red signal. Because a team with a healthy atmosphere created within it feels psychologically protected enough not to be embarrassed by its vulnerability and not to hide its mistakes, not to blame others if something does not go according to plan. In such a team, everyone takes on a new level of responsibility and does, changes the situation for the better.

4 It is also important how the manager defines success for himself. If the boss talks about it in the context of a competition where there are winners and losers, perhaps he is used to cultivating rivalry among employees. In competition there is no trust and no internal support, there is little one to rely on within the team.

5. Team Members Look Unhappy

The office atmosphere is one of the most important signals of toxicity or lack thereof. Pay attention to your team. Do people in the office look happy? Lethargy and apathy among colleagues indicate excessive work. Most likely, the manager does not focus on motivating their employees and does not acknowledge their successes with his or her support.

Let's go back to the team atmosphere. Do your colleagues try to avoid eye contact with you? Perhaps someone is shouting in the conference room? Do your colleagues fall silent when they meet you? Do your colleagues rarely talk or discuss work processes at all? When the Leader starts speaking, there is a “ringing cold silence” - a sign of fear of punishment or condemnation. There are only a few people in the team who talk all the time, and everyone else just listens to them and does not have the opportunity to express their opinion - this is also a red signal indicating that not everything is okay in the team. All this will help to form an idea of ​​​​the “inner atmosphere” of the team.

6. In a toxic team, overtime is considered the norm and a duty. In response to a phrase about fatigue from colleagues, you can hear: "We are all like this here!" If the manager approves and does not encourage constant overtime, considering it a common and normal thing, think about whether you are ready to sacrifice your personal time, family, health, hobbies, etc.?

7. They treat you well only on paper. Many companies have websites where they want to write a lot of beautiful words about themselves - about corporate culture, openness and atmosphere. It's good when these words correspond to reality and do not make employees laugh sarcastically. After all, often in companies that write about the transparency of processes, people do not know their responsibilities and are responsible for everything. And where there is "openness", they are afraid to even look at the director.

8. They manipulate when you ask about salary. If you believe that you are achieving good results and deserve a raise, a competent manager will note this: it means that you know your worth and want to develop here, and not go somewhere else. Sometimes personal beliefs come before this: for example, that a young employee should work for 5 years without a raise to deserve it. Or that it is impolite to talk about money, because you need to work for the idea.

9. They don't delve into your work. People are hired so that everyone is responsible for their own affairs. But managers may not delve into the responsibilities of their employees, but only expect quick results. Their favorite phrases are "what do you mean so long", "what's so difficult about it" and "we need it yesterday". Not everyone will dare to set boundaries: responsible employees may think that the problem is in themselves. Toxicity is a poison that is very difficult to recover from later; it requires a long time and faith in your own resources.

A low mood, a chronic lack of physical energy, dull emotions, when they say “I don’t feel anything, everything is emotionally dull and gray”... People themselves define this condition as a mild form of depression. It can last a long time, and most importantly, it takes away the ability to enjoy life. The important thing is that you can cope with it, you can overcome it and start noticing the small and big joys of life, if you start with simple and understandable steps, assures Elena Krechko, Master Coach of the International Coaching Federation, corporate psychologist Beeline.

Irina Khakamada, Russian entrepreneur, public figure, presenter of original motivational courses, former deputy of the State Duma of the Russian Federation says:

1 We may experience a lack of energy due to lack of sleep and inadequate nutrition. Therefore, sleep and nutrition, filling you with substances beneficial for health and energy, are the basis, the foundation from which the development of a healthy or unhealthy life and activity history begins! A full, high-quality sleep is the basis of your mental health! We correct it by delving deeper into the study of this issue!

2 We spend our energy on resolving our internal conflicts. Imagine what result you will achieve if, day after day, you do what you do not like, or what you define for yourself as worthless and useless in your personal life and in your professional activities? At a certain point in your life, you will face physical and emotional exhaustion, a feeling of boredom and apathy. “How and can I help myself?” - you ask. Of course you can! And only you yourself can do it! There is a phrase: “Get out of where it is bad! Just be sure to get out!” How? With the help of various physical and mental practices, meditation, art therapy practices, aimed at regular work with a psychologist or psychotherapist that promotes you. Our body is a holistic self-regulating system that cannot be deceived. Then, when you do something that is not useful for yourself, or even harm your body, it responds to you with disruptions in the functioning of internal organs and systems, increased anxiety and other discomfort signals.

Having resolved internal conflicts, you will be able to prioritize and direct the focus of your attention, physical and mental activity to what is really important to you.

Conflicts at work. What methods are effective for resolving conflicts in the workplace?

There are many methods of conflict management. They can be divided into several groups:

1. Intrapersonal - methods of influencing an individual, effectively used by specialists in helping professions: coaches, psychologists, psychotherapists. This is learning how to convey to another person your attitude to an event, to an object, not as to an enemy, without accusations and demands, but so that the other person changes his attitude. In essence, first you change your attitude and then you begin to influence the attitude and behavior of another person.

2. Methods for resolving conflicts in the organization; how the company itself participates in resolving work conflicts;

3. Interpersonal methods or styles of behavior in conflict - used between different people;

4. Negotiations;

5 Effective Methods for Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

What are the ways to resolve conflict situations in the workplace:

1. Discussion and communication

The first step to resolving any conflict is open communication. Give the parties to the conflict the opportunity to express their feelings, concerns, and suggestions. Try to create an atmosphere in which people feel safe and can share their thoughts.

2. Analyze the causes of the conflict

To find the best solution, you need to understand what is at the root of the conflict. It may be communication problems, differences in values, interests, or work styles. By assessing the causes of the conflict, you can find more effective ways to resolve it.

3. Conflict management skills training

Often, conflicts arise due to a lack of conflict management skills. The employer should train employees in active listening techniques, emotion management, and effective communication.

4. Accepting and Resolving Conflict

Sometimes conflict is inevitable and cannot be fully resolved. In such cases, it is important to accept the existence of the conflict and work to minimize its negative consequences.

5. Mediation and mediation

If the proposed measures do not lead to a solution, you can always involve a third party. The "Mediation" procedure for business in a conflict with employees or business games for the team will help you cope with conflicts in an environmentally friendly way and with a long-term effect.

There are several effective ways to manage a conflict situation. They can be divided into two categories: structural and interpersonal. The manager should start with an analysis of the actual causes and then use the appropriate technique. The possibility of conflict can be reduced by using conflict resolution techniques.

There are four structural methods of conflict resolution: clarifying work requirements, using coordination and integration mechanisms, setting overall organizational goals, and using a reward system.

Clarifying work requirements. One of the best management techniques that prevents dysfunctional conflict is clarifying what results are expected from each employee and department. This should include such parameters as the level of results that must be achieved, who provides and who receives various information, the system of authority and responsibility, and clearly defined policies, procedures, and rules. Moreover, the manager clarifies all these issues not for himself, but so that his subordinates understand well what is expected of them in each given situation.

Coordination and integration mechanisms. Another method of managing a conflict situation is the use of a coordination mechanism. One of the most common mechanisms is the chain of command. Establishing a hierarchy of authority regulates the interaction of people, decision-making and information flows within the organization. If two or more subordinates have disagreements on some issue, the conflict can be avoided by turning to their common superior, offering him to make a decision. The principle of one-man management facilitates the use of hierarchy to manage a conflict situation, since the subordinate knows perfectly well whose decisions he must obey.

Organization-wide comprehensive goals. Establishing organization-wide comprehensive goals is another structural method of managing a conflict situation. Effective implementation of these goals requires the joint efforts of two or more employees, groups or departments. The idea behind these higher goals is to direct the efforts of all participants to achieve a common goal.

For example, if three shifts in a production department are in conflict, departmental goals should be set rather than shift-by-shift goals.

Reward System Design Rewards can be used as a method of managing conflict by influencing people's behavior to avoid dysfunctional outcomes. People who contribute to the organization's overall goals, help other groups in the organization, and take a holistic approach to problem solving should be rewarded with praise, bonuses, recognition, or promotions. It is equally important that the reward system not reward unhelpful behavior by individuals or groups.

In summary, the systematic, coordinated use of rewards to reward those who contribute to the organization's overall goals helps people understand how to handle conflict in a way that is consistent with management's desires.

Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles

Below are four typical approaches to conflict resolution. The project team leader and team members must understand what these behavior patterns are and why they are ineffective in practice. Once this is understood, they must learn to recognize these approaches and neutralize them.

• Conflict avoidance. Avoiding conflict situations and people associated with conflict. This strategy is based on the belief that conflict is easier to prevent than to resolve. If the problem to be solved is serious enough, this approach only delays the inevitable and contributes to the escalation of tensions by the time the situation is exacerbated by time pressure.
• Smoothing out the “sharp edges”. Excessive concern with maintaining positive relationships in the team and the desire to distract people from possible sources of conflict at any cost. By smoothing out the “sharp edges”, we emphasize that the most important thing for us is positive relationships in the team, for the sake of which we are ready to sacrifice disagreements that contribute to the adoption of effective decisions. In this case, problems are not solved, but driven inward and accumulate. General anxiety becomes obvious, the likelihood that an explosion will eventually occur increases.
• Imposing conflict resolution. Trying to force others to an opinion or decision without regard for team relationships. This coercive style can be effective in situations where the manager has significant power over subordinates. The disadvantage of this style is that it suppresses the initiative of subordinates, creates a high probability that not all important factors will be taken into account, since only one point of view is presented. It can harm the positive team relationships without which a highly effective project team is impossible in principle.
• The desire to achieve mutual compromise or cooperation, to reach a solution in which there are no winners or losers. The desire to find a solution in which neither party gets what it wants. Although this strategy is aimed at satisfying all interested parties, mutual compromise is usually perceived as a situation in which everyone loses, since the solution reached does not fully satisfy any of the interested parties.

Global Coaching University

How you handle conflict in the workplace affects how employees perceive the company and its corporate culture. Therefore, the goal of an HR professional is to find creative and strategic ways to resolve confrontations in the workplace that will benefit both the individual employee and the entire organization.

Allow both sides to be heard, remain open-minded in decisions, and look for a solution that will make both parties happy - these are just some of the general recommendations from members of the Forbes People Council. Now about the specifics:

1. Empathy and openness

- Sit down with stakeholders and listen with an open heart to all versions of what happened. Empathize with everyone. Ask both parties to the conflict how they see a way out of the situation and try to understand why they behave this way. Offer solutions. It is important to show colleagues that you care about their situation and remind them that they have one common mission in the company - Evan Lassiter, Cloudreach.

2. Use a coaching conversation

- Employees come to us, HR managers, to magically solve any problem. However, this does not change the situation radically in the long term. HR should encourage employees to find independent solutions. We should prevent problems by engaging employees in coaching conversations, rather than trying to solve problems in the "conflict" mode, - Lisa Wheelon, GL group, Inc.

Master the dialogue in a coaching style to be able to prevent conflicts at work; apply coaching tools to solve business problems; gain knowledge about coaching in accordance with international professional standards - come study on the "Coaching in Business" program ACSTH ICF.

3. Ask questions

- It is dangerous to enter into conflict with assumptions or judgments. Being open to any outcome and asking questions we don’t yet know the answers to will help HR stay neutral and on track, - Jeff Buenrostro, Metric Theory

4. Unite the Parties Behind a Common Goal

- HR can feel pressure from above just like everyone else. Start by understanding that you are the solution, not the problem. Then get the parties to agree on a common goal. If they are willing to agree on a common goal and be open to new solutions, then the conversation can begin to focus on how best to achieve that goal, rather than how the parties defend their positions. - Pamela Potts, neosystemscorp.com

5. Initial Mediation

- I would encourage HR managers to become familiar with employees’ personal communication filters, actively listen to all parties, and identify each person’s conflict position. After the initial mediation, follow-up support helps resolve the conflict, - Mark Lascola, ON THE MARK.

6. Listen to Everyone

- It’s important to understand all sides of the story. Ask each participant questions about their experiences and listen to how they perceive the issue. Talk to each person individually, and then meet with all stakeholders to come to a resolution or shared understanding. This helps employees feel heard and makes them more open to resolving the conflict. - Sarah O’Neill, Humano LLC.

7. Encourage Open Communication

- Allowing open communication will allow both parties to fully express their point of view and get to the bottom of it. Once all the information is gathered, HR must act decisively to avoid losing employee trust in handling future conflicts, - John Feldmann, Insperity.

8. Genuinely care

- Genuinely care about people and outcomes. Listen to understand all perspectives and needs. Look for underlying issues and true needs. Then, based on a genuine desire for a positive outcome, communicate options that lead to a solution. - Ben Peterson, BambooHR.

9. Help Parties Come Up with Their Own Solutions

- HR's role is to help parties in conflict focus on the problem, not the people. HR should meet with each employee individually to understand the conflict, what the employees need/want, and what each person is willing to do to find a solution. Successful resolution comes when the employees in conflict come up with their own solutions. - Sherry Martin, Denver Public Schools.

10. Don't Overdo It

- Be respectful, be professional, and be genuine. When we're stressed (as we often are), the last thing we want to listen to is a lecture. So don't overdo it with the moralizing. Put yourself in the employee’s shoes and try to talk to them from a place of understanding. This won’t change your message, but it will positively reinforce the outcome, - Adam Mellor, ONE Gas, Inc.

11. Reframing the Situation

- Try reframing the situation to get people to change their position and make it possible to resolve the conflict. Help them see the problems from a different perspective. Then solve the small problems, because the big issues are usually the most contentious. Reaching agreement on small issues will lay the foundation for compromise on larger disputes. Build your work on small wins, - Toai Ha, Lynx Innovation

12. Stay Focused

- When frustration and emotions run high, people can easily get caught up in a cycle of aggression and defensiveness, and they may tend to combine multiple topics into one conversation: process issues, behavior, tone of voice, boundary crossing, etc. Keep the conversation focused on one topic. Once one topic is resolved, move on to the next, and so on - Katherine Decker, Outsell.

13. Post-Conflict Support

- It can take a while to resolve a situation, so it's a good idea to talk to those involved in the conflict after a unified resolution has been reached. You'll see if progress has been made and if additional support and follow-up are needed - Brooke Peterson, Skyfii.

14. Practice Healthy Conflict

- Healthy conflict is a good place to start: it starts with respecting each other as people and accepting that we each have a unique worldview. From there, working toward shared goals flows. Of course, you can facilitate conflict resolution by seeking compromise, but the best approach is to practice healthy conflict, - Dr. Dale Albrecht, Alonos, Inc.

ICF Russia Chapter

At an event, I once heard a speaker ask for a show of hands if anyone had recently experienced conflict at work. Almost everyone raised their hands. Next, she asked if they were confident in the conflict resolution tools they had. Only a few hands remained in the air.

Workplace conflicts are often dealt with like pests: as quickly and quietly as possible. This often results in problems being hushed up, poorly resolved, or incompletely resolved. Unfortunately, many managers and leaders still prefer this approach to the alternative of directly resolving workplace conflicts.

In fact, most people choose to avoid conflict in the workplace rather than resolve it. Instead, we strive to create a culture of cooperation by evaluating our ability to get along well. Disagreements are minimized, and only brought up in interviews as a case study when the question arises: “tell me about a time when you successfully dealt with a conflict.”

But how many of us are proud of our answers?

There are natural and understandable barriers to effective conflict resolution. Below, we will look at some common questions and issues related to this topic and offer a plan for resolving conflict in the workplace.

What prevents us from practicing effective conflict resolution?

One of the most serious obstacles to successful conflict management occurs when we choose whether to address a conflict directly, actively suppress it, or simply let it resolve itself. Unfortunately, the first option is often seen as the riskiest, given the likelihood that the problem will escalate and cause unnecessary irritation.

The threat of a rift that will disrupt normal workflow and impact productivity and efficiency looms: Managers do not want to be responsible for unleashing the drama caused by personal conflict in the workplace. This means that indirect methods are usually preferred.

The disadvantage of the indirect method is the assumption that temporary emotional outbursts have a greater impact on morale than unresolved issues that simmer within the team.

We consider it laudable when someone puts aside their grievances to focus on the task at hand, and an organization made up of such people should be resilient. The costs associated with this approach are difficult to quantify, but they exist: higher turnover, lower productivity, and poorer communication are all potential side effects.

Why focus on managing conflict in the workplace?

When you address conflict directly, you have a much better chance of nipping the problem in the bud and ensuring that it does not linger and reoccur. The situation may seem more painful in the short term, but more often than not, this strategy results in greater engagement in the workplace and less overall stress.

It’s worth noting that poorly managed conflict is likely to make the problem worse. When managing conflict in the workplace, it’s important to follow the same guidelines and common sense you would use to manage conflict in other settings – but there are specific guidelines for dealing with conflict at work.

Where’s the best place to start?

The reality is that most office conflicts stem from miscommunication. The easiest conflicts to resolve are the ones that simply require sharing more information to bring everyone to a common level of understanding.

Sometimes – and this is not often the case – all a good manager needs is to reach out and acknowledge the problem. Empathy is a powerful tool – taking the time to understand the problem can help ease the burden on the people involved. Understanding is often the first step to solving the problem.

It’s also important not to demonize the opposing parties or assign blame. An open approach, where you put aside your emotions and listen carefully to understand where each side is coming from, helps you focus on the issue rather than the person.

But sometimes you only have a general idea of ​​a situation where different parties are expressing different points of view. Getting to the bottom of it isn’t always easy or possible – if you’re stumped, rely on facts that can be proven or documented rather than trying to understand a vague position. In other words, look at the facts of the situation and try to call a spade a spade without judgment.

Who should be involved in resolving workplace conflict?

In addition to the parties involved, HR and the immediate manager should always play a role in the process. Not all conflicts are the same, and the response should be proportionate to the severity of the issue.

The workplace hierarchy is your friend in this regard. Don’t be afraid to seek the opinion of more senior people if the issue seems too serious. This is where having experience in conflict resolution can come in handy in helping to calibrate your response. Managers and leaders with high emotional intelligence will be better equipped to resolve conflict.

What are the best practices for conflict resolution?

Every organization’s HR department likely has guidelines for resolving conflict in the workplace. These are useful and should be considered, but not relied upon exclusively.

Trying to resolve a conflict formally will likely result in eye rolling at best and hurt feelings at worst. Instead, the best way to reach a resolution is to facilitate as organic and constructive a conversation as possible. The role of the mediator should be to facilitate these conversations and intervene when or if they begin to become contentious to the point of being counterproductive.

When all else fails, try to find the human side of the issue, putting aside the financial side and the accusations; what are the dynamics of the relationship that are leading to the conflict? If you can figure this out, you are on the right track to a solution.

How should a conflict be resolved when mediating a conversation?

Here are some tips to get you started in the right direction:

• Identify points of agreement and disagreement and make a plan of action that can lead to improvement. Keep in mind that the plan must be implemented
• When discussing an issue that has caused a conflict, communicate calmly, listening carefully not only to the words, but also to the meaning of what is being communicated.
• Seek to understand and rephrase what you hear to ensure that you truly understand what the other party is saying.
• Use neutral terms and demonstrate open postures and gestures.
• Show that you respect the other person's point of view. You don't have to agree, but showing that you understand where they're coming from helps strengthen and improve the relationship.

What are the long-term benefits of conflict management for an organization?

You’ve successfully resolved a conflict – now what? Get back to your daily routine, never to return to the scene of the crime again?

Institutional memory is a funny thing. In a sense, it is the sum of all the interactions, good and bad, that shape an organization’s identity and culture over time. Think about the times when you grew as an individual, and you’ll find that many of those experiences occurred during times of conflict or adversity.

Likewise, an organization grows through conflict and adversity. When managed correctly, conflict can be used as a driver of change and innovation. It can break down walls you didn’t know you had. It can be a source of strength and competitive advantage.

What tools can you use to improve your conflict management skills?

From a developmental perspective, managers and leaders should think about how they apply their emotional intelligence skills to situations where they manage conflict. By becoming aware of their emotional intelligence strengths, they will be better able to handle conflict.

It is also important to learn about the cultural differences that exist within your own team and understand how best to approach interactions. By cultural differences, I do not mean cultural or ethnic differences, but rather an effort to understand why someone might think and behave the way they do.

Understanding this helps manage conflict in a positive way. To learn about differences in thinking and behavior, a manager/leader and their team can take the Global DISC assessment.

Coaching for executives, leaders, and managers is another tool to help manage conflict in the office. Executive coaching helps leaders take action to achieve goals and become more self-sufficient. Managers and leaders who have a coach work more easily and productively with their peers, bosses, and direct reports, and communicate more effectively at all levels.

Conclusion

As long as people work together in any setting, there will be conflict. Unfortunately, many of us have been trained to avoid rather than address the issue head-on when it comes to resolving conflict in the workplace. We have seen that failure to practice effective conflict management can have serious negative consequences, while building strong conflict management competencies reduces risk and brings tangible benefits.

Being a leader in the workplace means taking ownership of both the end result and the people working to achieve it. A manager who delivers great results but neglects the well-being of their team is on an unsustainable path.

We have come a long way in how we look at organizational behavior, from outdated authoritarian models to models that can best leverage dynamic, diverse, and highly interactive networks. The most forward-thinking organizations recognize the importance of having effective conflict management practices in place.

Source Grosoni Coaching

Rest and relaxation, as well as “healthy stress”, tension when performing important tasks are a natural part of our life. Another thing is workaholism, when you live only for work and this side of life is the main one in your life. Workaholics do not know how to rest and do not know what this rest is.

You and I live in incredibly difficult and stressful times. If we do not give our body relaxation in time, then we will not reveal our best capabilities and abilities where we really need it - when achieving goals or dreams. So, let's get started ... Relax - what is it?

It is important to understand what relaxes you!

Each of us has our own types of activities that bring us a feeling of relaxation or stress, it is important for you to understand what exactly makes you feel relaxed or, on the contrary, stresses you out!

Perhaps you are trying to do what you have heard should relax you - meditation, an afternoon nap, running in the park, when in reality you find all this boring and extremely useless. And for some, meditation even causes additional stress - how is it possible to sit and just breathe or imagine incomprehensible images?

Listen to yourself, to your well-being and try to understand what is right for you. Find your resource for replenishing your strength!

Choose and plan your relaxation time in advance with purpose

To relax effectively, it is important to devote yourself to it completely. The truth is, we are always only half-relaxing, constantly distracted by external stimuli: either email or social media, or useless calls, or interactions and information that do not bring us joy and benefit. Researchers note that if we are distracted from something important to us, we need another 21 minutes to “come back” and re-engage ourselves in the task. Thus, we ourselves “with our own hands” create our own incomplete relaxation.

From this, you can understand how to satisfy your relaxation needs - both by choosing the right activity and by defining the boundaries that should be set (for example, putting off and not answering your phone for a certain time).

Rest every day and throughout the week

It is important to understand that every day we introduce a period of relaxation for ourselves. Relaxation is a natural cycle that follows tension. We do not postpone our rest until the weekend, that is, “for later”. We live and rest every day! We plan our rest in the calendar in the same way as we plan our work activity! In general, we learn to rest and observe ourselves, and what exactly brings you relaxation and the feeling of a “rested self”? This understanding comes only through trial and error.

Remind yourself that rest will only help you to be in a resourceful state in your work.

Remember the state you have forgotten for yourself, and what are you like when you are in a resourceful state, when you succeed in many things that you simply could not do before? How long have you been in this state? Do you often allow yourself to do something very important and useful for yourself? For workaholics, these questions are usually difficult. They have been living for a long time and remember only one thing - their work! Understand that the world is much wider and it is not limited only to work! Going beyond these boundaries, you can find out what else you are interested in and begin to explore it! That is how, through understanding where exactly your interest arises, there is an opportunity to expand knowledge about yourself and your possible sources for replenishing resources! Allow yourself to rest regardless of the results, the presence or absence of a goal, after a stressful moment in life and every day!

“Surviving Change: What Can We Do to Maintain Effectiveness in Stressful Situations?”

There are many reasons why people experience stress and at first it is natural as a stage of some experience - imposed life changes (for example, how COVID-19 and the events in our country have affected our lives and the lives of many people around the world), there may also be the death or serious illness of a loved one, forced relocation, divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a position or job, economic instability, uncertainty about the future, “impossible relatives”, “unfair boss”, “out of control” children - teenagers and other life situations that knock you out of your usual life “rut”. But when this state becomes protracted - then it becomes increasingly difficult to get out of this “viscous whirlpool” or “swamp”, as my clients usually call it.

In most cases, we can be as happy as we are mentally devastated, tormented and exhausted now. And all this under the same circumstances and spending the same amount of energy, abilities and resources as we have already spent to find ourselves in such a dire situation. It's all about WHERE we direct our energy, abilities and resources. Where your focus of attention, your thought is directed, there your energy (physical, mental) flows.

It is difficult to answer in a short article a question that people have tried to solve at all times, so I will start with the most important thing in my opinion - from the level of thinking or from the level of looking at the situation. If you direct your focus of attention only to the limitations due to the emergence of a stressful situation, without looking for opportunities - then as a result we become even more psychologically "immersed and bogged down" in a dire situation.

There have always been tough times. If things are tough, get out. Please. Get out as soon as possible. No matter how hard it is, stand your ground. Get out. It’s worth it. If you live with someone you are afraid of or apprehensive of, come up with a plan to get out of this situation. If you feel like you are in an unhealthy relationship, do everything you can to get out of it. Take responsibility for your life and aim for your happiness!

“It is in our toughest times that we can understand our true essence and fully comprehend our inner strength.” This is a statement by the author of world bestselling books on personal growth and development, a famous writer and leader of courses on changing the way of thinking Robin Sharma from Canada. By the way, let me remind you of one of his famous books – “The Monk Who Sold Ferrari”.

I would like to quote another well-known quote from Albert Einstein: “The problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we had when we created them.”

And so, it is important to work with the level of your thinking and move from the level of a person involved in a difficulty or problem to the level of an observer of an event or situation - and this is a completely different story! We often think, as soon as the difficulty passes or I finish this... and I will live! But in the meantime, I will be under stress. This is how we live, but even if one stress ends, another one will definitely come and cause a similar reaction: thoughts, feelings and behavior! And nothing changes - but the same thing happens - running in a circle of stress and it is stress that is the main one who controls your life and total involvement in the problem! Once again, I emphasize the idea: you are not the leader of your life, but stress is the Leader in your life, you do not control your life, but stress is the manager in your life!

So, what techniques will help at the most important moment, when stress is just appearing or when you realize that you are already immersed in stress? Let's go step by step - like the steps of a ladder up, where the peak of the ladder is the absence of a sense of stress in life, the realization that you are not subject to it, that it no longer controls you!

I will share with you 2 simple techniques that work, which are important to do regularly and make a habit of yours, just as you previously made a habit of immersing yourself in stress and living in stress…

1. It is important to ask yourself the key question exactly at the moment when you feel that something has gone wrong and you have a feeling that you are stressed again. The question from the level of WHO am I now? Do I control myself (my thoughts, feelings and actions, and then you are in the position of an observer of my life) or does stress control your feelings, thoughts and actions (and then you found yourself in the position of being involved in stress, which means you found yourself in the very “hell” of stress). You must agree that these are two completely different stories and two different scenarios for the development of events and the results obtained. Where you are an observer, you have the opportunity to adjust your thoughts / feelings / emotions. Where you are involved in stress, you have the opportunity to emotionally distance yourself from the situation, which means that from being involved in it, you can move to a higher level - to become an observer of your life, and this, believe me, is a huge step! And you can do it! Having done it, you will be able to control stress, and not stress you!
2. Analyze what your attention is usually focused on during the day: how much time do you spend reading your news feed on social networks, what kind of activities do you do most of the day and does it bring you a feeling of fulfillment? How much time do you devote to self-development, what do you invest your energy and resources in? Can you confidently say that you use the time of your life profitably and replenish your resources daily? Can you say that you are the keeper and observer of your resources?
3. There are a lot of recipes for their creation - it is important to find your own and create your own ways to replenish your resources! Resource keepers know that any method that brings a feeling of being filled with mental energy, physical strength, and charged with positive emotions is good! From meditation of peace to physical activity in the gym with hitting a sports bag when you feel that negative thoughts are overwhelming your head, that there is no peace from them even in sleep.

I have shared with you three techniques for getting out of stress, and there are countless of them. But how could you recreate in yourself an internal state of being filled with resources when there is a “storm raging” around you? What helps you?