RELOCATION & CULTURAL ADJUSTMENT
Culture shock after moving abroad: finding your footing
Understand common phases of cultural adjustment and explore seven practical ways to support yourself in a new country.
All articles · About Elena
By Elena Krechko · Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC, BCACC), ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC), EMDR Europe Certified Practitioner and accredited clinical psychologist in Russia.
Culture shock can be one of the most painful and least discussed parts of relocation. You may think: “Something is wrong with me,” “I am weak,” or “Everyone else has adapted, so why have I not?”
You have moved. The long-awaited ticket is used, your bags are unpacked and the first photographs of your new home are on social media. In the early weeks, everything may feel exciting: new food, unfamiliar streets and interesting discoveries.
Then something changes. You feel irritated by local customs, queues or ways of communicating. You want to stay at home and avoid conversation. Or you feel empty, apathetic and tempted to give everything up and return.
These experiences may be part of cultural adjustment. They are not, by themselves, evidence of weakness or failure. Moving can remove familiar ways of understanding the world and require much more emotional effort than you expected.
As a psychologist working with relocation, I help people explore this experience and find a way of living in a new place without losing their sense of themselves. The stages below are a useful framework, not a timetable that everyone must follow.
Why familiar things suddenly become difficult
Imagine spending your whole life playing a game whose rules you know by heart. You know how to greet people, ask for help, navigate healthcare, judge conversational distance, recognise a polite refusal, make a joke and introduce yourself professionally.
Then the rules change, without anyone giving you a complete guide. You may feel as if you are learning everyday life from the beginning. Even an experienced traveller or someone who has moved before can find a new set of unwritten rules exhausting.
Five possible phases of adjustment
1. The honeymoon
People seem friendly, the architecture is beautiful and there is so much to discover. You take photographs and wonder why you did not come sooner. Some people feel this excitement for a few weeks; others never have a distinct honeymoon phase, particularly after an unwanted or difficult move.
2. Irritation and frustration
Differences begin to wear on you. Local people may seem too relaxed, too formal, indirect or difficult to understand. Services are unlike those you knew, and your humour does not land as expected. You compare the new country unfavourably with home.
This can be a response to feeling less competent or less understood. It does not mean that your concerns about the new environment are all imaginary. It does mean that frustration is worth exploring before it becomes the only lens through which you see your new life.
3. Gradual adaptation
You learn a few useful phrases, make an acquaintance or two, find familiar food and become more confident navigating the city. You may still feel like an outsider, but not every task brings you close to overwhelm. Some predictability begins to return.
4. Acceptance
There may come a point when constant comparison softens. You have your own routes, places and people. You can acknowledge, “Things are different here, and I am finding a way to live with that.” You may begin to appreciate elements of the new culture without having to reject your original one.
5. Reverse culture shock
If you return to your country of origin, you may be surprised to feel out of place there too. You have changed, and so has the place you remember. Returning can involve another period of adjustment.
These phases do not happen in a fixed order or within set numbers of months. You may move between curiosity, irritation and confidence. A new job, language difficulty or family event can bring an earlier feeling back. If distress continues or everyday functioning suffers, support may help; you do not have to wait until you fit a particular stage or deadline.
Seven strategies to explore
1. Name the adjustment honestly
You might tell yourself: “I am struggling with a major change. I am finding some things frustrating, and I can pay attention to what I need.” This is more useful than calling yourself broken or deciding that everything around you is simply wrong.
It also leaves room to distinguish adjustment from practical difficulties that need a real solution, such as insecure housing, discrimination or lack of access to services.
2. Notice unhelpful comparisons
“It was always better at home” can keep your attention on what you have lost. Try describing a difference before judging it: “The way people arrange appointments here is different.” Then ask what you need to learn or what choice is available.
You do not have to pretend to like everything. The aim is to make room for curiosity and action alongside your disappointment.
3. Keep islands of familiarity
Cook a familiar meal, watch a favourite film or speak to friends from home. These connections can support you. Alongside them, gradually create experiences in your new surroundings so that familiar comforts do not become your only source of contact.
There is no need to cut yourself off from your original culture in order to belong somewhere else.
4. Learn the unwritten signals
Language matters, but so do nonverbal expectations. What does a smile mean in this setting? How much space do people leave during conversation? Is physical contact welcome? How do people show disagreement politely?
Observe, ask questions and speak to people who know the local context. Treat their answers as guidance rather than rules that apply to every individual. These conversations can also be a first step towards connection.
5. Create small rituals of stability
When much of life feels unpredictable, a repeated action can offer an anchor: morning coffee in a favourite mug, a short walk along a familiar route or a quiet evening practice.
Choose something manageable. The purpose is to give your day a little structure and comfort, rather than add another standard you must meet perfectly.
6. Review your news and social-media habits
Following events at home may be important, especially when loved ones are affected. At the same time, constant checking can leave you trying to live in two demanding realities at once.
Consider setting a time for updates and noticing which sources help you stay informed without overwhelming you. Then make room for something concrete in your present surroundings. A limit should fit your situation, rather than follow a universal fifteen-minute rule.
7. Ask for help when you need it
Persistent anxiety, low mood, social withdrawal, disturbed sleep or conflict in a relationship deserve attention. You do not have to endure them for six or eight months before seeking support.
If daily life is becoming difficult, a counsellor or healthcare professional can help assess what is happening. Cultural adjustment can overlap with other concerns, and it is useful to understand your individual circumstances rather than assume that time alone will resolve everything.
How I support people after relocation
I work with people who have moved to another country and feel that something is no longer working as it used to. In individual or couples sessions, we may explore:
Your next step
You do not have to navigate relocation alone. Asking for help does not mean that you made the wrong decision or lack strength. It can be a practical way of caring for yourself during a demanding transition.
I offer individual online consultations, couples and family work where appropriate, and resilience-focused formats. We discuss suitability, including whether EMDR has a place in your work, before beginning.
You can send a private enquiry through the website or email: “I have moved abroad and would like support.” We can discuss your questions and a suitable format. Please use a private channel for personal details rather than posting them in a public group.
With care,
Elena Krechko
Request a free introductory conversation · 15–20 minutes
Explore counselling and coaching · Email Elena
By Elena Krechko · Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC, BCACC), ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC), EMDR Europe Certified Practitioner and accredited clinical psychologist in Russia.
Culture shock can be one of the most painful and least discussed parts of relocation. You may think: “Something is wrong with me,” “I am weak,” or “Everyone else has adapted, so why have I not?”
You have moved. The long-awaited ticket is used, your bags are unpacked and the first photographs of your new home are on social media. In the early weeks, everything may feel exciting: new food, unfamiliar streets and interesting discoveries.
Then something changes. You feel irritated by local customs, queues or ways of communicating. You want to stay at home and avoid conversation. Or you feel empty, apathetic and tempted to give everything up and return.
These experiences may be part of cultural adjustment. They are not, by themselves, evidence of weakness or failure. Moving can remove familiar ways of understanding the world and require much more emotional effort than you expected.
As a psychologist working with relocation, I help people explore this experience and find a way of living in a new place without losing their sense of themselves. The stages below are a useful framework, not a timetable that everyone must follow.
Why familiar things suddenly become difficult
Imagine spending your whole life playing a game whose rules you know by heart. You know how to greet people, ask for help, navigate healthcare, judge conversational distance, recognise a polite refusal, make a joke and introduce yourself professionally.
Then the rules change, without anyone giving you a complete guide. You may feel as if you are learning everyday life from the beginning. Even an experienced traveller or someone who has moved before can find a new set of unwritten rules exhausting.
Five possible phases of adjustment
1. The honeymoon
People seem friendly, the architecture is beautiful and there is so much to discover. You take photographs and wonder why you did not come sooner. Some people feel this excitement for a few weeks; others never have a distinct honeymoon phase, particularly after an unwanted or difficult move.
2. Irritation and frustration
Differences begin to wear on you. Local people may seem too relaxed, too formal, indirect or difficult to understand. Services are unlike those you knew, and your humour does not land as expected. You compare the new country unfavourably with home.
This can be a response to feeling less competent or less understood. It does not mean that your concerns about the new environment are all imaginary. It does mean that frustration is worth exploring before it becomes the only lens through which you see your new life.
3. Gradual adaptation
You learn a few useful phrases, make an acquaintance or two, find familiar food and become more confident navigating the city. You may still feel like an outsider, but not every task brings you close to overwhelm. Some predictability begins to return.
4. Acceptance
There may come a point when constant comparison softens. You have your own routes, places and people. You can acknowledge, “Things are different here, and I am finding a way to live with that.” You may begin to appreciate elements of the new culture without having to reject your original one.
5. Reverse culture shock
If you return to your country of origin, you may be surprised to feel out of place there too. You have changed, and so has the place you remember. Returning can involve another period of adjustment.
These phases do not happen in a fixed order or within set numbers of months. You may move between curiosity, irritation and confidence. A new job, language difficulty or family event can bring an earlier feeling back. If distress continues or everyday functioning suffers, support may help; you do not have to wait until you fit a particular stage or deadline.
Seven strategies to explore
1. Name the adjustment honestly
You might tell yourself: “I am struggling with a major change. I am finding some things frustrating, and I can pay attention to what I need.” This is more useful than calling yourself broken or deciding that everything around you is simply wrong.
It also leaves room to distinguish adjustment from practical difficulties that need a real solution, such as insecure housing, discrimination or lack of access to services.
2. Notice unhelpful comparisons
“It was always better at home” can keep your attention on what you have lost. Try describing a difference before judging it: “The way people arrange appointments here is different.” Then ask what you need to learn or what choice is available.
You do not have to pretend to like everything. The aim is to make room for curiosity and action alongside your disappointment.
3. Keep islands of familiarity
Cook a familiar meal, watch a favourite film or speak to friends from home. These connections can support you. Alongside them, gradually create experiences in your new surroundings so that familiar comforts do not become your only source of contact.
There is no need to cut yourself off from your original culture in order to belong somewhere else.
4. Learn the unwritten signals
Language matters, but so do nonverbal expectations. What does a smile mean in this setting? How much space do people leave during conversation? Is physical contact welcome? How do people show disagreement politely?
Observe, ask questions and speak to people who know the local context. Treat their answers as guidance rather than rules that apply to every individual. These conversations can also be a first step towards connection.
5. Create small rituals of stability
When much of life feels unpredictable, a repeated action can offer an anchor: morning coffee in a favourite mug, a short walk along a familiar route or a quiet evening practice.
Choose something manageable. The purpose is to give your day a little structure and comfort, rather than add another standard you must meet perfectly.
6. Review your news and social-media habits
Following events at home may be important, especially when loved ones are affected. At the same time, constant checking can leave you trying to live in two demanding realities at once.
Consider setting a time for updates and noticing which sources help you stay informed without overwhelming you. Then make room for something concrete in your present surroundings. A limit should fit your situation, rather than follow a universal fifteen-minute rule.
7. Ask for help when you need it
Persistent anxiety, low mood, social withdrawal, disturbed sleep or conflict in a relationship deserve attention. You do not have to endure them for six or eight months before seeking support.
If daily life is becoming difficult, a counsellor or healthcare professional can help assess what is happening. Cultural adjustment can overlap with other concerns, and it is useful to understand your individual circumstances rather than assume that time alone will resolve everything.
How I support people after relocation
I work with people who have moved to another country and feel that something is no longer working as it used to. In individual or couples sessions, we may explore:
- A changed identity. Who am I without my previous job, status or social circle? We can reconnect with the parts of you that remain meaningful across countries.
- A way of belonging that fits you. The aim is not to force you into another culture, but to find a workable relationship with your new environment.
- Social anxiety. Speaking to someone, ordering a coffee or calling an organisation may feel daunting. We can consider manageable steps and the feelings behind the fear.
- Sleep and rest. We explore what may be keeping you alert at night and whether additional healthcare input is needed.
- Interest and enjoyment. Apathy and a sense that everything is grey can be discussed without pressure to feel grateful for the move.
- Relationships. We can work on communication, changing roles and becoming a team in unfamiliar circumstances.
Your next step
You do not have to navigate relocation alone. Asking for help does not mean that you made the wrong decision or lack strength. It can be a practical way of caring for yourself during a demanding transition.
I offer individual online consultations, couples and family work where appropriate, and resilience-focused formats. We discuss suitability, including whether EMDR has a place in your work, before beginning.
You can send a private enquiry through the website or email: “I have moved abroad and would like support.” We can discuss your questions and a suitable format. Please use a private channel for personal details rather than posting them in a public group.
With care,
Elena Krechko
Request a free introductory conversation · 15–20 minutes
Explore counselling and coaching · Email Elena