“Surviving Change: What Can We Do to Maintain Effectiveness in Stressful Situations?”
There are many reasons why people experience stress and at first it is natural as a stage of some experience - imposed life changes (for example, how COVID-19 and the events in our country have affected our lives and the lives of many people around the world), there may also be the death or serious illness of a loved one, forced relocation, divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a position or job, economic instability, uncertainty about the future, “impossible relatives”, “unfair boss”, “out of control” children - teenagers and other life situations that knock you out of your usual life “rut”. But when this state becomes protracted - then it becomes increasingly difficult to get out of this “viscous whirlpool” or “swamp”, as my clients usually call it.
In most cases, we can be as happy as we are mentally devastated, tormented and exhausted now. And all this under the same circumstances and spending the same amount of energy, abilities and resources as we have already spent to find ourselves in such a dire situation. It's all about WHERE we direct our energy, abilities and resources. Where your focus of attention, your thought is directed, there your energy (physical, mental) flows.
It is difficult to answer in a short article a question that people have tried to solve at all times, so I will start with the most important thing in my opinion - from the level of thinking or from the level of looking at the situation. If you direct your focus of attention only to the limitations due to the emergence of a stressful situation, without looking for opportunities - then as a result we become even more psychologically "immersed and bogged down" in a dire situation.
There have always been tough times. If things are tough, get out. Please. Get out as soon as possible. No matter how hard it is, stand your ground. Get out. It’s worth it. If you live with someone you are afraid of or apprehensive of, come up with a plan to get out of this situation. If you feel like you are in an unhealthy relationship, do everything you can to get out of it. Take responsibility for your life and aim for your happiness!
“It is in our toughest times that we can understand our true essence and fully comprehend our inner strength.” This is a statement by the author of world bestselling books on personal growth and development, a famous writer and leader of courses on changing the way of thinking Robin Sharma from Canada. By the way, let me remind you of one of his famous books – “The Monk Who Sold Ferrari”.
I would like to quote another well-known quote from Albert Einstein: “The problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we had when we created them.”
And so, it is important to work with the level of your thinking and move from the level of a person involved in a difficulty or problem to the level of an observer of an event or situation - and this is a completely different story! We often think, as soon as the difficulty passes or I finish this... and I will live! But in the meantime, I will be under stress. This is how we live, but even if one stress ends, another one will definitely come and cause a similar reaction: thoughts, feelings and behavior! And nothing changes - but the same thing happens - running in a circle of stress and it is stress that is the main one who controls your life and total involvement in the problem! Once again, I emphasize the idea: you are not the leader of your life, but stress is the Leader in your life, you do not control your life, but stress is the manager in your life!
So, what techniques will help at the most important moment, when stress is just appearing or when you realize that you are already immersed in stress? Let's go step by step - like the steps of a ladder up, where the peak of the ladder is the absence of a sense of stress in life, the realization that you are not subject to it, that it no longer controls you!
I will share with you 2 simple techniques that work, which are important to do regularly and make a habit of yours, just as you previously made a habit of immersing yourself in stress and living in stress…
It is important to ask yourself the key question exactly at the moment when you feel that something has gone wrong and you have a feeling that you are stressed again. The question from the level of WHO am I now? Do I control myself (my thoughts, feelings and actions, and then you are in the position of an observer of my life) or does stress control your feelings, thoughts and actions (and then you found yourself in the position of being involved in stress, which means you found yourself in the very “hell” of stress). You must agree that these are two completely different stories and two different scenarios for the development of events and the results obtained. Where you are an observer, you have the opportunity to adjust your thoughts / feelings / emotions. Where you are involved in stress, you have the opportunity to emotionally distance yourself from the situation, which means that from being involved in it, you can move to a higher level - to become an observer of your life, and this, believe me, is a huge step! And you can do it! Having done it, you will be able to control stress, and not stress you!
Analyze what your attention is usually focused on during the day: how much time do you spend reading your news feed on social networks, what kind of activities do you do most of the day and does it bring you a feeling of fulfillment? How much time do you devote to self-development, what do you invest your energy and resources in? Can you confidently say that you use the time of your life profitably and replenish your resources daily? Can you say that you are the keeper and observer of your resources?
There are a lot of recipes for their creation - it is important to find your own and create your own ways to replenish your resources! Resource keepers know that any method that brings a feeling of being filled with mental energy, physical strength, and charged with positive emotions is good! From meditation of peace to physical activity in the gym with hitting a sports bag when you feel that negative thoughts are overwhelming your head, that there is no peace from them even in sleep.
I have shared with you three techniques for getting out of stress, and there are countless of them. But how could you recreate in yourself an internal state of being filled with resources when there is a “storm raging” around you? What helps you?